Control pt 1
by nothing but the rain
Summary: Continuation of my last story. Kara's in a dark place and refuses to let Sharon help her. ***Angst Alert***


**Disclaimers:** I own nothing in any way related to Battlestar Galactica and this was written purely for fun and not for profit.

**Love/Sex Warning:** The following contains scenes of a sexual nature between two adult, consenting women. If you are under the age of consent, if this is illegal where you live, or if it's simply not your cup of tea, please move onto something else. Flames will be laughed at and publicly made fun of.

**Author's Notes:** This follows my last story but either story can be read on its own. It's quite a bit more angsty than the last one since Kara's in a dark place. But have no fear, it will eventually have an at least somewhat happy ending but it may take awhile to get there.

**Control**

Pt.1

By: Nothing But the Rain

Everyone mourned in their own way. Several weeks had passed since the destruction of the Twelve Colonies and its remaining citizens has begun to accept that while the lives they had previously known were forever gone, they would at least _have_ their lives, however irrevocably altered they may be. They held wakes for loved ones lost, they held prayer sessions for those still missing and they held out hope that Commander Adama would lead them to Earth, where they could begin anew. Everyone mourned in their own way. Everyone, except Kara Thrace.

Kara found her solace in killing Cylons. It was easy at first. For the first six days the Colonial Fleet had been constantly attacked by Cylon Raiders every 33 minutes so there was no shortage of battles to be fought and no time to think about all that had been lost. Then the passenger ship _Olympic Carrier_ was mistakenly left behind during an emergency jump to escape the raiders. When the ship suddenly reappeared two hours later, everyone was cautiously optimistic that their luck had changed for the better. 33 minutes later, the attacks began again. Commander Adama and President Roslin quickly deemed the _Olympic Carrier _a threat to the Fleet and ordered it destroyed. Starbuck and Apollo returned to _Galactica_ after having performed their duty of eliminating the threat but for Kara it was a hollow victory. Every time she closed her eyes to sleep, all she could see was the missiles from her Viper ripping into the fuselage of the passenger ship, killing all 1,345 souls aboard.

The only bright spot in Kara's life seemed to be that Boomer, her friend and occasional lover, had survived the bombardment of Caprica and returned to _Galactica_ with a few survivors. However, the loss of her buddy, Helo and Sharon's devastation as losing her ECO only added to her sense of guilt. Not able to deal with Sharon's grief and with the raider attacks having ceased, Kara sought other distractions from the emotional pain she refused to allow herself to feel. The only time she allowed herself to feel anything was when she was fighting or frakking, both of which she sought out regularly.

"Starbuck," Colonel Tigh muttered. "Now there's a call sign. _Starbuck._ How'd you get that nickname anyway? Never did hear the full story."

Tigh and Kara, along Boomer, Apollo and several others were gathered in the Squadron Ready Room drinking, playing Triad and gambling away the cubits that really had no value anymore. Tigh tossed back the remaining half inch of blue liquor in his glass and reached for the bottle to refill it before snorting derisively at the blonde pilot seated across the table from him.

"Was it before or after you got thrown in the brig as a cadet for drunk and disorderly?"

Kara clamped down on the cigar held between her teeth and stared at her cards.

"After." She growled back.

"That's right," he replied while fingering his chips. "It was after." Tigh picked up a few chips and tossed them into the pile at the center of the table. "There's 30 and 30 more."

Kara casually asked. "How's the wife?" She smirked and raised her eyes from her cards to meet his.

Tigh froze for a second and the room went silent. Boomer shot a knowing glance at Apollo and placed her hand on Kara's thigh beneath the table, trying to warn her off.

"Fine," Tigh replied evenly. "She's just fine. The bet's to you, _Lieutenant_."

She tossed a few more chips in the pile. "No rank at the table, _Colonel_. Tradition and all that."

He only grunted and stared at her.

Kara grinned and stared the old man down. "Be sure to tell your wife _Starbuck_ says hello."

A tense moment passed and suddenly the room erupted in violence as Tigh grabbed the table and flung it out of the way from between them.

"You frakking son of a …." With raised fists, he advanced towards the pilot. Kara jumped to her feet, sending her chair flying backwards, and met him head-on. Anything else he might've said was cut off when Kara's fist connected solidly with his face, splitting his lip and knocking him back a step.

Arms were suddenly around her waist as Boomer grabbed her and began to drag the laughing Kara from the room.

Apollo restrained Tigh as he bellowed after her, "You better run, Starbuck! I'll have your ass in the brig for this! Permanently!"

Kara was still laughing when Sharon shoved her through the hatch into the deserted bunk room. Since the loss of her ECO, Helo, Sharon had the small 4 person bunk room to herself. The other Raptor crew they normally bunked with had been killed in the initial Cylon attack.

"What is wrong with you?" Sharon hissed at the other woman as she closed the hatch door and locked it. "Striking a superior officer is a court martial offense, you know."

"Don't you mean striking a superior asshole?" the blonde pilot asked, still smiling. "Come on, did you see his face when I asked about his wife? That was classic!"

Shaking out her right hand, Kara leaned back on the picnic style table that was situated in the middle of the room. "Besides, we're in the middle of a war. They're not going to court martial the best pilot on the ship." She licked her other thumb and tried the wipe the blood from her split knuckles. "Few days in the brig maybe, but no court martial."

Sharon left out an exasperated sigh and went to the small sink in the corner. Wetting a small cloth, she took it over to stand in front of the other woman. "Stop that." She said, grabbing Kara's hand and wiping the blood encrusted knuckles none too gently. "You'll only get it infected that way. Lords of Kobol only know where your mouth has been."

Ducking her head somewhat sheepishly, Kara allowed the dark haired pilot to care for the minor wound. Just being in the presence of the other woman made Kara a little more relaxed, calmed the overwhelming sense of rage that seemed to be clawing at her insides every moment of the day since the Cylons had destroyed the Twelve Colonies.

Finished with her ministrations, Sharon simply held the pale hand in her own. "You didn't really sleep with Tigh's wife, did you?" She asked.

"No," Kara snorted. "But he _thinks_ I did and it'll eat him up until he finds out the truth."

"What _is_ it with him?" Sharon replied. "Why do you two hate each other so much?"

Reaching up, Kara slid her left had through Sharon's dark hair to cup the back of her head and pull the other woman against her. "I don't want to talk about Tigh anymore," She said. "I can think of several much more interesting things we could be doing instead." Capturing the smaller woman's mouth in a deep kiss, she slid her hands down to grasp her buttocks and pulled Sharon's pelvis forward between her spread legs to rub against her own.

Hands on Kara's shoulders, Sharon pushed back out of the kiss with a groan. "You're changing the subject."

Grinning, Kara pulled her back in. "Yes, I am." Nuzzling the silky mocha skin, she nipped and licked her way up the woman's neck to her earlobe. "Got a problem with that?" She asked and then sucked the tender bit of flesh into her mouth and flicked it back and forth with her tongue.

Sharon stiffened briefly and then melted against Kara's hard body. "No," she squeaked. "Not at the moment."

"Good." Kara growled before plundering the other pilot's mouth with her own.

Pulling open the buttons at her fly, Kara quickly pushed the dark blue duty pants down off Sharon's hips before using her body to turn them both around and press the smaller woman up and onto the table. Sharon struggled with the flaps and buttons on Kara's uniform jacket until the pale woman simply reached up and grasping the back of her own collar, pulled the whole thing off over her head and flung it aside, leaving her clad in only her regulation sports bra, duty pants and boots.

Kara pulled Sharon's boot off and dropped them to the floor with a dull thud, thankful that the younger woman had opted to wear the Velcro model instead of the lace-ups she normally wore. Stripping the pants the rest of way off, Kara quickly climbed up onto the table and pressed Sharon flat beneath her. She ripped open the front of Sharon's uniform jacket, sending buttons flying everywhere, and drove her hands up under the other woman's shirt to fill her hands with firm breasts. Capturing both nipples between her fingers, she pinched and tugged until the Raptor pilot writhed beneath her.

Sharon groaned and raked her short fingernails up Kara's back to tangle in her blonde hair. Pulling harshly, she forced Kara's mouth back to her own, where she sucked the full lower lip between her own and bit down sharply. She knew Kara enjoyed the tiny bits of pain during sex so when the other woman grunted and tried to pull away, she gripped the back of her head and held her in place. Soothing the bite with her tongue before she plunged it deep into Kara's mouth, she growled when she felt Kara shudder above her.

Heat shot straight to her groin and Kara felt the first tendrils on anxiety coil in the pit of her stomach. No one else made her feel the way Sharon did. No one else made her feel….anything at all, and that's the way she liked it. That's the way she had to have it. She frakked plenty of other women on the ship but none of them made her feel anything other than a few heart-pounding seconds of physical pleasure when they made her come. But with Sharon it was different. She felt it when Sharon touched her. She felt it with her body and with her mind and down to the very core of her soul. And she could _not_ have that. She could not allow the pleasure of Sharon's touch to bring light to the darkest part of her heart. She knew if she allowed herself to feel anything other than the guilt and rage that gnawed at her guts every moment, the tight control she kept on her emotions would shatter into a million pieces. _She_ would shatter into a million pieces and she was afraid she would…..She was afraid.

When Kara felt Sharon's hands pulling open the buttons of her pants she broke out into a cold sweat. When a soft hand slid into her underwear, the anxiety inside her burst into panic. Grabbing Sharon's wrist, she pulled the hand from her pants and guided it to slip into the darker women's own. Keeping her fingers atop the young pilot's, Kara coaxed them into soft folds to rub against the swollen protrusion pulsing within.

"Oh, frak Kara, " Sharon gasped. "That feels incredible."

Kara pulled their hands away and brought Sharon's glistening fingers to her mouth and sucked them deep inside. Groaning as the flavor burst onto her tongue, Kara slipped her own hand back down to catch her lover's stiff clit between forefinger and thumb to give it a firm tug. When Sharon moaned and arched up into her, she thought she'd won. But again she felt a hand slide into her underwear and firm fingers stroked her roughly.

"No," Kara stated as she caught hold of both of Sharon's hands and gently guided them to rest on the table above the smaller woman's head. "I just want to focus on you."

Kissing her again, Kara ran her hands down the entire length of Sharon's body to resume her exploration of the other woman's wet center. This time it was only a few seconds before she felt hands at her waist again, with one slipping inside her pants to cup her womanhood, grinding insistently back and forth.

Temper flaring, Kara grabbed both of Sharon's wrists and slapped them back down onto the table above her head none to gently this time. "I said no!" she growled. "I don't want you to touch me right now."

Scowling, Sharon pushed her back until Kara stood back on the floor in front of her and then sat up. "What's wrong?" she questioned. Why can't I touch you?"

Kara sighed and closed her eyes. "Because I don't want you to." She warned in a tight voice. "Just let it go."

Sharon grabbed Kara's face with both hands and forced their eyes to meet. "Why not? You haven't let me touch you since…" She thought for a moment. It had been weeks, since before…and it suddenly dawned on her. "Since before the attacks." She finished quietly.

Kara took a step back and ran a shaky hand over her face and into her hair. "I just don't….I can't…." Kara's hand fisted in her own hair and tugged harshly, trying to hear herself think over the roaring in her head.

"That's it, isn't it?" Sharon asked. "You haven't let me touch you since before the attacks. You make love to me, you make me come, you twist me inside out with your hands and your mouth but not once since that day have you let me touch you. Why?"

Lost in her own thoughts, Kara could only hear the voice in her head yelling at her. It was her mother's voice, "_Weak!_" it screamed. "_Coward! It's all your fault! You're the reason your father left!_"

Extremely concerned now at the vacant look in Kara's eyes, Sharon grabbed the trembling woman by the arms and shook her. "Kara!" she barked. "Look at me."

Hazel eyes snapped to hers, suddenly back to sharp focus. Sharon reached up and brushed the backs of her fingers across the soft skin of the pale woman's face. In a soft tone she asked, "Baby, what are you so afraid of?"

Kara stiffened and knocked the hand away from her face. "I'm not afraid of anything." She replied coldly and shoved the smaller woman away from her. "I'm not."

Sharon stumbled back a few steps, shocked at the sudden shift in Kara's demeanor. "But…I don't understand what's…"

Kara turned and snatched her uniform jacket off the floor. "Look," she cut her question off. "I just wanted a quick frak and to try to get some sleep. But if you're not up for that, I'll just go now."

Kara finished buttoning up her pants and started for the hatch door when she felt Sharon grab her sleeve. "No, wait Kara." Sharon insisted. "You don't have to leave, that isn't what I want."

Turning halfway back Kara responded quietly, "Just let me go, Sharon."

Sharon dropped her hand and followed her to the door. When Kara stepped through and slammed the hatch shut behind her, Sharon leaned her forehead against its cool surface, tears spilling from her eyes. "Frak!" she muttered, pounding her fist against the door.

Outside, Kara leaned back against the door, closed her eyes and took a deep breath. _'That was close,_' she thought. _'Too close. I let my guard down, I let my control slip for just a moment and almost lost it_.' She knew she couldn't afford to let that happen again, couldn't afford to let Sharon get inside her mind, inside her soul, not if she wanted to complete what had become her only goal in life anymore. To kill as many frakking toasters as she possibly could before they killed her. _'Will it be enough?'_ she pondered. _'Will it be enough to make up for not being there? For letting my squad die without me?"_

Kara felt a thump from the other side of the door and opened her eyes to see a young woman walking down the corridor.

"Hey, Starbuck." The girl called out to her as she walked by.

Kara recognized her as one of Chief Tyrol's grease-monkeys that kept her Viper in fighting shape. She knew the young woman had something of a crush on her since she blushed furiously whenever the cocky pilot was around.

"Hey, wait up!" Starbuck called back as she jogged over to join the girl. "Um, Cally…isn't it?"

The young Specialist blushed, her ears turning pink and nodded. Starbuck grinned and slid her arm around the shorter girl's shoulders. "What'da ya say you and I get something to drink, find a quiet spot and get to know each other better?"

Twenty minutes later found Starbuck on the hanger deck, sitting on a work bench in the tool room with her pants down around her ankles and young Cally Henderson's mouth at work between her legs.

Guzzling straight from the bottle of some rot-gut liquor they'd found stashed behind a jug of engine coolant, Starbuck hissed and dribbled the liquid down her chin when the young woman's tongue finally found her clit.

"Frak," she muttered when Cally lost the spot and went back to lapping at her ineffectually. She gripped the back of the girl's head tighter and tried to direct her back to the correct position.

"Ow!" Cally exclaimed at the rough treatment, pulling away. "Ease up a bit on my hair, would ya!"

Starbuck growled, "Well stop messing around down there and finish it already."

"I'm trying to," the younger woman snapped back.

"Here," Starbuck sighed as she slid a hand between her legs and used two fingers to spread her own folds apart. Rubbing her clit back and forth a few times, she instructed the young mechanic, "Right there. Just suck it right there."

Cally just ducked her head back down and did as she was told. "Harder," Starbuck ordered as she finally began to come. The only sign of the orgasm rushing through her body was a slight raising of her hips and a white-knuckle grip on the edges of the bench. While her body experienced the flood of endorphins she craved, it did nothing to ease the cold, hard knot in the center of her chest.

Finally she pushed the eager young woman away and hopped down off the work bench. Pulling up her pants and quickly buttoning them up, she glanced at the other girl and muttered, "That's enough. Thanks."

Smiling, Cally replied "Stay a little while longer and we can try again." She tried to step closer to the pilot but Starbuck stopped her with a hand to the center of her chest.

"No…That was great, but I gotta go...Um…stuff to do and all." Starbuck lied.

"But you'll call me tomorrow, right?" Cally asked. "When you're done with your…stuff and all."

"Um…" Starbuck hedged. _'Gods, she hated this part. They always wanted to see her again. Didn't they know it didn't mean anything? Didn't they realize it was just sex, just a fast frak to help her forget…everything?_ _Sharon was the only one who never pressured her. Sharon was the only one who understood her. Sharon was the only one…'_

"I don't think…"

"Yeah," Cally cut her off. "That's what I thought." The younger girl laughed humorlessly. "I've heard people talk about you, ya know? I didn't listen to what they said but Gods…you really _are_ an asshole, aren't you?"

Starbuck looked away, unable to meet the girl's unflinching gaze. "I'm sorry." She mumbled.

"No, you're not." Cally spat back. "Go on. Get outta here. Go back to whatever hole you crawled out from."

Starbuck just turned on her heels and walked away, leaving the young woman alone with the disappointment of a crush gone bad.

Head down, angry with herself, Starbuck was almost back to the Viper Squad's Bunk Room when two MP's stepped out into the corridor in front of her. Pulling up short, she glanced behind her to see two more closing in from the rear. Too tired to fight anymore and knowing she deserved whatever punishment they were there to mete out, she sighed and thought _'Great! This night just can't get any better.' _

One of the MP's stepped forward and formally announced, "Lieutenant Kara Thrace, by order of Colonel Tigh, you are to report directly to the brig and remain incarcerated there until such time as he sees fit to release you."

He grasped her elbow firmly and began to escort her to the brig, but Starbuck jerked her arm away and snarled, "I know the way!"

Lifting her chin defiantly, she marched down the corridor to the brig.

To be continued….but don't hold your breath because my muse is a fickle bitch.


End file.
